February 14, 2010


Dear Pepperidge Farm Milano cookies packaged in "100 calorie packs",

Just because there are only two of you per package does not mean that I will not automatically grab 2-3 packages to eat in one sitting. So you should really change the name of your product to "100 calorie packs if you stop eating after ONE, Leigh! So just have one. Or none. Or don't even buy these at all!"

Dear Rold Gold Cheddar Mini Twists sitting in my pantry,

I know that you are there, please stop calling my name. I'm not even hungry yet your delicious cheddar coating is calling to me. Why did you make me buy two bags of you when I was at the store? Just because you were on sale 2/$4 does not mean that I needed two of you. Please leave me alone.

Dear Russell Stovers box of chocolates my Television Man bought me for Valentines,

I don't even like the flavors that are left in you, so NO I do NOT have to eat you. Stop telling me I do. I do not enjoy the maple filling. I don't think anyone enjoys the maple filling. I think Russell Stover's puts the maple filled chocolates in the box just to prove how much of a glutton we all really are. "I didn't even like that, yet I ate it. Why? Because it was coated in chocolate. And we all know if it's coated in chocolate, it must be eaten."

Dear Leigh,

I know that you are 28 years old and you have never had to diet - but sweetheart, the time has come. You're not that metabolic freak you were in high school. So please, step away from the junk food. Immediately. The muffin top is turning into a whole other thing completely. A cannoli top? Perhaps a cream filled eclair? Whatever it is, it is not cute and your big butt is headed to the beach in 2 1/2 months. Let's not scare the whales, mmmkay?


  1. Eat a cookie. Be fat and happy. It's great, trust me!
    I'm really glad to know I'm not the only one to whom the pantry calls

  2. Don't even get me started. And, for the record, you still have the metabolism of a super model at 28. Just wait until you hit 37 and then we'll talk. My metabolic rate (when NOT breastfeeding) is that of a corpse.

    I understand the need to devour anything covered in chocolate. I do. Do what I do and just don't buy the stuff. If I don't buy it - I can't eat it. Because, seriously, if it's in the house it will end up in my stomach. ;)

    And btw lady - you are gorgeous and you will look wonderful come swimsuit time. Now relax and have a cookie.

    p.s. I HATE the maple filled ones too. *blek*

  3. Ok- the Russell Stovers part cracked. me. up. !! Because that is soooo true! I hate nuts in candy- hate them- but that doesnt mean I cant nibble the sort of yummy goodness that surrounds the nuts. Pitiful. lol!

    And I agree- you are gorgeous! Please woman!